11:58 p.m. - 2019-01-15
I deserve better
This last time I went to see him and sleepover he was so cold and distant... it hurts me so bad when he’s like that’s I don’t get it. When we message each other he reels me in with glimmers of hope that things will be as in the beginning and he seems so interested and affectionate, then when I go see him he’s on his phone most of the time and he has a smart remark to my questions and he winces at my comments and my questions. It seems like I’m a nuisance like I bother him so much and he’s so grumpy and impatient with me now, it hurts me more then I’d like to admit. I look up to him I adore him and he treats me with so much disdain that I feel like shit and soo small. I just wanted him to love me and treat me like in the beginning but I don’t think that will ever happen anymore. I’m so sad. I feel stupid for putting myself thru this torture because he won’t even clear my mind and doubts and tell me if he wants to be with me or not. If we’re friends or a couple or what?
I’ve been told him it fills me with anxiety not to know and I just feel like shit that he feels no need to discuss it. He wants so much time to just be clear with me.
Today I realized I don’t want to be with him like this, not like this cuz he’s just playing with me and making me feel inadequate. I gave him his rings and told him to sell them and maybe he can get his money back. He keeps saying that I always make these wild assumptions and that’s why he’s upset with me but also he doesn’t take the time or make any effort to clear things out.
In the end I think it means he’s just not that into me. He doesn’t think I deserve clarity and the thing that hurts me the most is that he acts as if I’m crazy for wanting clarity and commitment. Sigh .
I’m done .
I’m done
I’m done .
I’m not putting myself thru this shit no more .
I DESERVE BETTER ❤️
