12:50 a.m. - 2013-09-05
discipline and virtue
Today he sang to me again (': I know he loves me, I love him, but today I could hear the exasperation in his voice. He's having a hard time there.sigh, I'm having a hard time regardless of him being there or not , I think. Yesterday was a good day and today I lost it again, my discipline is depressing and I hate that I have none. I could have control and virtue yet I let go and it brings me shame and this nasty taste in my mouth in my mind in my conciousness, in my tainted soul. I miss gail, I miss javi, I miss discipline, but I don't think I ever had it. I always lost it /: its a vicious cycle, I must be complete. I cannot be a child anymore.
