10:35 p.m. - 2013-05-06
TRUST ... and love <33
I miss my bby... I get too see him on Wednesday (: God-willing I get to see him on Wednesday :D siiigh! I can't wait! He reminds me of samaras now a little. He has that same drive to complete this pogram no matter what thru discipline and obedience and sel-control. I love him, he's suuper sexy like that. Unfortunately that means I can't have him for a while and that hurts, it really suxx I'm bak on me and well, I don't wanna because he gave me so much joy and pleasure and even tho it was bad for me, well it was joy and pleasure dam it! Haha /: sigh.
When we first started dating they told us we should wait one to 15 months to get married because he wasn't ready for me, for marriage... We didn't listen we were so hungry for affection and understanding and so obsessed with each other that we couldn't take it; I was so scared of loosing him.
Now I am to wait for him ... For almost th same amount of time ): I kno it is for the best because he will get help and he looks so happy and proud of himself and I kno he loves me. But I MiSS HIM ... Ugh, I need to grow up! At least I get to see him twice a week (: hopefully. He was my all and now I feel so empty and alone and scared, mostly scared, because now I know that I have to confront this world all by myself.
He always held my hand, he always protected me when I need it it. /: I just miss him. I hate that he lied to me and I really hope that all of this builds up our trust in this relationship again because that is what was lacking trust /: sigh, never love.
