12:59 p.m. - 2013-05-03
I love hhim soo much and he knows me too well
My bby just called me right now... And it wus terrifying. I miss him soo much, its barely been almost 2 days and it seems like its been forever, his voice is soo sweet. I miss his voice, his eyes his arms most of all. I miss him holding me and holding my hand as we walked together. I have to be the stronger one. He said his having trouble staying there cuz he misses me, he thinks I'm going to cheat on him )': this breaks my heart. I loove him soo much and I kno in th end I can't count on G. To help me thru this, I have to do it on my own, I can't take refuge in him becuz it is not his place and I should respect javi more. But th pain is just so great I was trying to evade it. I have to do this for th both of us and take refuge in our faith. I have to be alone ): I have to be alone, just like he is reight now... I have to be alone with my thoughts and fears and it is terrifying that I will have to pray and confront myself and my guilt and my wrongdoings. Javi was my distraction before and he was th one thing I didn't want to lose, now I have to work to gain him back. God I love that man soo much and I'm soo proud of him and I'm scared but I loove him so much I have to strive to meet him in th middle too. ...
